Dear Dad

I'm sitting here with my littlest one, the one you never got to hold in person. I don't feel as sad right now. I was able to release a lot of anger and fear a few nights ago. Ryan's been wearing your jeans. They're a bit short but they look nice. Somehow I both like and dislike seeing him wear your jeans. It hurts to know they'll never be on you again, but it's good to see them regardless.

Nahni is seven weeks old. There's something comforting knowing you did see pictures of her. A part of me will always wish you would've waited until Hunter came. He's so beautiful. I know you saw him being born and met his spirit. But it's just not the same. It's just one of those unresolved aspects of your passing.

I write to you, many times a day. I just don't write here. I think about you, when the wind blows and I hear rustling leaves, or when we drive by wooded swamps. I think about you when I see tracks in the snow, and when I hear a someone strumming an acoutical guitar. I smiled when I looked at a picture of you yesterday. It made me happy to see your face.

I love you.