Dear Dad

Man stands alone. I used this phrase whenever you had to go and do your thing outside. My dad used an outhouse and the woods for most of his bathroom needs throughout his life. He grew up in the woods and spent as much time as possible outdoors. He was one of the few true woodsmen left, the kind you'd read about in louis l' amour books.

Man stands alone. This morning I wonder how alone you felt, with your rare illness caused by tainted medication. I wonder about your anger and your frustration, not only from your illness but your injuries throughout your life. Your ability to feel and show your true self was very limited in the end. Always through a fog of pain and medication did you see and feel. Always tainted in the end.

What you gave us, is nothing short of a miracle. When the EMS doc in San Diego said out of the ones he'd met that you were the only one that hadn't become a drug addict, was still married, and still alive, it showed us what a rare breed you were indeed. I'm glad you never became a drug addict, and never left us. I just wish we could've found a cure for your illness.

In the late 80's my father took medication that was tainted with impurities that caused a degenerative nerve condition called EMS. It is what caused him to take his life. Some people think it was depression but it was the never ending pain from EMS that drove my father to his end.

As the sun rises and the new day dawns, I revel in my human body, and my human experience. I am tremendously thankful for my human experiences and for all the range of emotion that comes with it. Depth of heart.

And I am thankful for my man stands alone kind of father. What a unique man to have for my father. EMS and all. I love you dad.